ANMona Canvas

“…and I’ll never ever get back to Kolkata again!” Most of these days’, conversations with mom and dad, end with this line. Yes! Probably if I get an opportunity, I’ll never get back to Kolkata! But Calcutta? Nah! It’s not the same! Calcutta is a time some of us are trying to hold back and treasure. Kolkata can be ‘Tilottama’ but Calcutta is an emotion!  The City of Joy we call it! Well how much joy Kolkata has given me, I don’t know! But Calcutta surely has been a piece of my taped heart that has been broken over and over again! Yes and Calcutta has witnessed it all! My first love, first heartbreak, first cigarette, first time in Oly Pub before turning 21, first kiss, my dumb poetry I had started as early as the seventh grade and has witnessed its transformation over the years! It made me fall in love with rains and winters and winter rains predominantly! The fumes escaping those earthen cups, holding the best tea in the world!  The  millions...

What if you could hope and wish And see rocks turning into gold? What if you could stare at the night sky  And feel the stars rubbing your back? What if you could stand alone at the shore And see beyond the horizon? What if you could plan the wrong things And see it all happen before your eyes? Rocks, gold, stars and the night sky Shore, horizon, wrong things and expectations; Just another synonym for your failing expectations Yet another red cross on your list of things you could have! Disappointment is the only constant While you are busy setting up all your variables. Failing expectations be your que card Among all your other burning sensations! What ifs exceed your 'Have' list The mind draws on a new canvas! While the cool night breeze brushes your hair across  The first ray of sunshine builds up new masterpieces! Only if you could see... Only if you could see how wrong you are! Only if you could train your haywir...

Hope, A treacherous alibi to rely on To see the days turning into night fall and To get back with the Sun shining, up and high. You live every day clinging onto that very hope. Hope that keeps your heart beating and Your soul reaping those tiny bits of Expectations, That you call hope. Distance Rips you farther apart and yet, That one hope keeps that  Wry smile on your dried and burnt lips Constant. Voice, Like a 24x7 ticking clock  That turns into screams in my head, Every now and then Like a reminder alarm of him being around; Until I press that snooze button giving  A plethora of fake calms and soothe. Patience, Why is it necessarily associated with a woman? From whom the society expects  Poise and a decent gesture That suffocates and chokes her And forces her to stand before that abyss  Of infinite heartbreaks and oblivion! It's her responsibility to go against herself and Take ...

With the blurred 2 a.m. Whatsapp texts The ticks that turn a blurry blue, With the heaving breath of distress Yeah, ‘twas a situation You least expect to undo. Balance is a dangerous word, Bending steadiness down the knee. Blurry images, a dimly lit room, What else did it need? ‘Heavy’ was the word of the hour As Chester smiled all the way up. A heavy breath, a choking throat Well, no way the heart could miss. You tend to live on lessons more than a lifetime You feel ENOUGH! Yet experiences fail, your heart skips a beat, You bat your dried up eyelids in search of emotions. After all, the easiest thing To deal with, is your heart. ‘Expectations’, ‘Reliability’, ‘Faith’ Such dimensionless variables for a change. ‘Distance’, ‘Virtual Reality’ Well not just terms in those lifeless pages You flip rampantly in search of answers, To questions hanging in the air, Across miles. Between souls. The passing night holds that one precious drop At the edges of your eyelashes, After all, it’s yo...

"There's nothing called Mr. Right. There's a Mr. Right Place at the Right Time." The line that keeps haunting every single moment in your life.  The heart is a very tricky toy to play with.   The sudden dips and turns that come totally unexpected takes you off guard. And one fine afternoon, when you look up at the orange sky, with the setting Sun playing hues with the clouds, you cringe. A sudden choking feeling blocks your throat and surfaces all other emotions. You are left with an empty feeling, while everything else balls up at your throat and makes everything look bleak. Devoid of the feelings of hunger, love, affection, care and sympathy. You look calm and peaceful. Probably, it's the most peaceful you've ever looked. While inside, you want to rip your heart out and throw it into the woods and cut your drenched soul into pieces and examine. This might be the calm before an apocalypse hits! It's like life at one instant stops and the wo...

Vacations and Monsoons. A heady combination. And if overthinking blended with a pinch of memories could be devilish, then an idle mind can surely be a workshop. Twenties are generally a very vulnerable time. Stepping out of the luxury of adolescence and teenage there comes a plethora of responsibilities, of which some are bestowed upon by society while the rest are self-imposed! After all, it’s the question of being a responsible, independent and self-sufficient adult stuck in the transformation from being a maiden to a lady! The mind becomes a labyrinth of oozing ideas and realisations clipped to which are the privilege of wisdom that takes us through these passing times to the future, which we have plans for that never end up right! We seem quite experienced, which we surely are, owing to the fact that these bygone years was no cakewalk! It’s exactly now that we start assuming that all the pieces in life that all this while had been hay wired have finally started to fall into...

Childhood… a myriad concoction of brewing emotions, boiling opinions and expressions seeking wings. You’d know what I am talking about, if you’ve been a single child, yet voraciously independent, detesting the usual gesture of pampering and protection. You’d know even better if you’ve been brought up in some of the classical cities of India like Delhi, Lucknow, Mumbai or the ultimate one, Calcutta and not just Kolkata. Every city has her own emotions, own vivacity and own cultures. We grew up to be the one we are today as an influence of the place we’ve spent our childhood in. We address Kolkata as ‘Tilottama’, as in a maiden with her beauty and grandeur. Growing up has been an experience with all her ballads enveloping around like an aura of culture and wisdom. Amidst all this when a lonely soul, staring out of the window, on some lazy summer afternoon, would seek freedom, Kolkata would offer her breath of fresh poetry to unleash her prisoner! Amidst all the hustling life and bustl...

"Are you ready to accept all the challenges you'll face??!" And that was the foundation of the whole  parallel universe  we are talking about. A universe where "Once upon a time..." will end with "...and they lived happily ever after."  Well, surely my heart had skipped a beat, in the middle of a class full of people and with an intense topic being discussed on the board. "Was I?" My subconscious would know it! It was one of those times when I felt the need for air to cling on to life! I didn't want to lie. I was too scared to own up the truth! I obviously wasn't absolutely ready for it at all! But   what if he wanted a committed relationship and knowing I'm not ready for it, he backed out?! But I'd never want to start over a lie! Somehow when we spoke about it, we both concluded how uncertain we both were about the innumerable challenges that we would have to face! We didn't have a clue about what would happe...

"I'm not high!" And that's how everything started! 'High' being the escapade while the rushing blood through the veins being the trigger! Amidst the dilemma of getting a 'semi-colon'  tattoo and writing heartbreaking blogs, brewed a whole different story! Well, they say everything happens for a reason! Yet when all reasons and logic fail, yeah, you know it's the antidote for an epic loneliness! Yeah, reasons failed. Mind blended with the heart and decisions were all over the place! The brain to mouth filter had resigned for a night and the heart decided to kiss the horizon for one time she could! Horizon it was! A horizon larger than life. That gave hopes and happiness in one package. Horizon that carried away all the pains of the past in one word! "Ditto"! :) It embraced me the way I was, and it was kinda perfect! May not be to the world, but to me it was the most perfect situation I could have possibly asked for, from life!...

With the soothing summer breeze as her hair played in the wind and ended up entangled in a knot, so were her thoughts. The night was chilly and had enveloped the whole vicinity with an air of eeriness. "Why is my love so dysfunctional?" Her  subconscious had slyly disappeared, when she needed her the most. There were friends whom she could ask, but they were far away. The top floor verandah of the slumbered hostel building, overhanging the whole valley in front, had just one word hanging in the air! "D-Y-S-F-U-N-C-T-I-O-N-A-L"  "Don't cry for your love, cry tears of joy... 'coz you're in alive... Cradled in LOVE!" Putting the song on repeat mode, she kept running her whole life before her eyes like a movie screen. Yes a movie it was. Predictable. Clitched. Like a circle. History just kept repeating.  Every other girl had a normal life she thought. Why not her?! The mundane monotony soothed her as she drowned herself in the ...