Sudden Choking

"There's nothing called Mr. Right.

There's a Mr. Right Place at the Right Time."

The line that keeps haunting every single moment in your life. 

The heart is a very tricky toy to play with. The sudden dips and turns that come totally unexpected takes you off guard. And one fine afternoon, when you look up at the orange sky, with the setting Sun playing hues with the clouds, you cringe. A sudden choking feeling blocks your throat and surfaces all other emotions. You are left with an empty feeling, while everything else balls up at your throat and makes everything look bleak. Devoid of the feelings of hunger, love, affection, care and sympathy. You look calm and peaceful. Probably, it's the most peaceful you've ever looked. While inside, you want to rip your heart out and throw it into the woods and cut your drenched soul into pieces and examine. This might be the calm before an apocalypse hits!

It's like life at one instant stops and the world stops spinning on its axis and the moment is holding back your present and future in your throat. Standing before a deep abyss, you know the only thing you want is to jump, yet you keep standing and staring at the forlorn oblivious infinity before you and you're blank. You lose your ability to think and reason out and you are mentally so tired that the physical bruises don't really matter. Your head hurts, you can sense every single heart beat, you can feel the breeze blowing so strong that it rips you into pieces and passes through you, exposing you naked before yourself and nature. 

It's strange how we plan things to happen in a certain way and there's a sudden turn of events that takes you by surprise. Freedom doesn't excite you, closures don't matter, life loses meaning and death stands before you, staring straight into your eyes. A situation, that you fail to cry it out. A point of time where you just want to scream out into the open sky, without any reason, in the language of your soul.

Promises are difficult to make and yet more difficult to keep. Just when you think everything is in place, your whole life falls apart. Advises are good to hear and even better to give. It only occurs to you in reality when you need to experience it yourself! 

Telling something out of passion and meaning it with your full heart, mind and soul is totally different. You feel this the most, when you miss someone so badly that you feel like running miles to meet him and yet there's no way you can fix things. The only thing you crave the most and want with your full heart and are ready to deal even with your life is a simple physical presence or a soft human touch. A reassurance that everything's going to be fine and that it's going to be a happy ending. Yet the only thing you lack in life is that reassurance.

Yeah, long distance is difficult! It brings you to a point where there is hard rock, you and then burning lava, brushing your back, burning every ounce of you and leaving back the ashes for collecting back. It's easy to say, yet more difficult than you can ever think to do! Even though everything seems fine, the whole world crashes around you and you are left back with the debris to carve stories with. They say time heals and they say everything will be fine in the end. But it's difficult to hold on to as a last resort, when you don't even know where it all ends!

But yet, the trick is just to cling on and keep going inspite of the hard rock, the lava, the debris, the abyss and that choking feeling of missing someone so badly that you're ready to move mountains. 

'Coz probably yes, everything is going to be fine at the end! :)

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